Author: Anonymous
Source: free-articles
July 5, 2004 -- A strange message heard by millions of people across the globe yesterday was also picked up by staff at NASA Space Agency. The message, broadcast via satellite by a man calling himself "William", caused chaos in the town of Zanesville, Ohio where the newly installed Traffic Control System responded to the satellite's T56 radio waves by switching off during evening rush hour and causing a 95 mile tailback. If you think you know the identity of the individual involved, then please contact us immediately. We provide a transcript of this message below:
Start Time 19.01 EST July 03, 2004:
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My Darling Susy
I am speaking to you by satellite today as it is now clear that I have no other way of contacting you.
You refuse to take my calls and on top of this,, last minute weekend breaks, your mother keeps intercepting my emails. She has told me that you don't want to see me any more.
Darling, I am at my wits end and I cannot understand how after everything we've been through, you still believe her rather than me. You know that she hates me and will do anything to tear us apart. Despite what your mother says, I'm not having an affair with my secretary. You know it has only ever been you. From the beginning and even before we got married your mother was always trying to break us up. I don't know what she's got against accountants.
Much as I love you, I think this may have to be my last attempt at reconciliation. For a start this satellite broadcasting isn't cheap plus the satellite they sold me is really cramped inside - it only has one window and the engine sounds funny. What our friends will think of me I do not know, but I just don't care. I really hope that you will find it in your heart to speak to me and give me a chance to explain.
If you're not ready to talk, then PLEASE send me an email. I've now got a special Private Email Address that your mother can't intercept. You can write to me at william@ really.desperate. BUT...BUT... if you are going to do it, you first MUST get your own Private Email Address on this system, otherwise your messages will be blocked.
Darling, the first step to getting a fantastic Private Email Address like mine is to get one of those really clever domain names from dotWORLDS. Go to www.dotworlds.net and pick one up now. Remember, if you take one of the domain names in the Personality section it won't cost you a penny as they're all free. Once you've made your choice, within a few hours you will be provided with an unlimited set of free email addresses for that domain name. Then please, please write to me. It couldn't be easier and honestly, your mother won't be able to intercept these emails. Better still, the Dragon won't even be able to see them and at last we will have a chance to be together again.
I really love you and I am waiting anxiously to hear from you โ€" maybe we could go to Rio for the weekend - it is very nice this time of year and best of all, the dragonlady won't catch us there.
I plan to land in the Pacific in about two hours time, and so should be home before midnight. I do hope we can talk then...although I think that engine on this satellite might have fallen off because everything has gone a bit quiet in here. Yes the ground seems to be getting nearer. Darling don't worry, I think may be landing a bit earlier than expected.
Your LOVING Husband
William,
End Time 19.04 EST July 03, 2004:
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THE WORLD HAS BEEN MOVED by this plea and is in awe at the bravery of a man, who, single handedly has engaged in combat with one of the most powerful and potentially destructive forces on Earth (the mother-in-law).
Following yesterday's broadcast, offers of help have flooded in. A well known chain of supermarkets has donated a luxury safe-house in an unspecified location. Government officials are considering issuing the couple with new passports, and a Dr Emile Roden of Boston has agreed to provide free plastic surgery
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